my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
