I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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