i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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