somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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