you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
