The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
