lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
