This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
