I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
