Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girls should come with a carfax report
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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