if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Enjoy the penises
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
