I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
