Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
