they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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