then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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