i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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