maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
