please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
