I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
