you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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