so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
