So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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