you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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