What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
