we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
