at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
