My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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