Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
