we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
