I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
