i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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