this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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