i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
