hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
