i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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