ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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