She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
