isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
