I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
