I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
