My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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