I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
