I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
