True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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