I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
