I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sorry my hands just texted you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
