bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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