The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Non-Jews are for practice
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
40s are totally the cure
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
