Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
