i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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