He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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