Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You are a genius and a whore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
