wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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