"it" just moved
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
