Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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