I am puke
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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